Peaceful Warrior

 

I am fighting a battle inside of myself,

My enemy is Post Traumatic Stress,

My strength comes from myself,

Memories of what happened to me replays over

And over again.

There are flashbacks,

There are nightmares,

There are triggers,

The pain is so real and I cannot stop the pain.

I cannot stop the flashbacks.

I cannot stop the nightmares.

I cannot stop the grief.

I cannot stop the rage.

I show a brave face to the world but on

The inside I am crying.

Mother Earth is helping me to heal my heart

That was broken into thousands of pieces,

There are many days when I feel like I am broken,

I am determined to win this battle and to heal my heart.

I will not let triggers, flashbacks, nightmares control my emotions.

I will not let those tried to destroy me win this war.

I have awakened and I will find peace with myself.

 

I will love myself and forgive myself for past harms

I will love my body.

I will continue to grow spirituality.

I will continue to be mindful and meditate.

I will continue to speak my truth and continue to heal.

I will reach out to fellow Peaceful Warriors and

Help them to heal to.

I am Peaceful Warrior.

Grounded and Powerful

 

Close your eyes and breathe deeply,

Sink your roots deep into the earth,

Come home to yourself and your body,

Allow yourself to connect to that place inside of you

That knows you are rooted deep in the earth,

Hear that little voice inside that is telling you,

You are safe,

You are strong,

You are an empowered Warrior,

You are beautiful,

You are a goddess,

 

Breathe deeply again,

Connect to that place inside of you that knows

You can speak your truth,

You can feel your feelings,

You can heal.

You are an empowered Warrior and Goddess who shines brightly.

 

You flow in the wind,

You allow the wind and rain to wash over you,

You have learned to surf the waves that crash around you,

You know that you are empowered,

you are healing the pain deep inside,

You know that you will never back down,

You know that no one can hurt you any more,

You have taken your power back from those who tried to destroy you,

 

You are safe,

You are a goddess that is standing in her power,

You are shining brightly so others know there is a way out,

You are healing.

 

Take three more breaths, in and out,

Allow the air to fill your lungs to capacity,

You no longer have to breathe shallowly,

You can take up space,

You can speak your truth,

You can feel your feelings,

 

You are connected to the earth below you,

You are deeply rooted,

You are very powerful.

Keep shining and ever back down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Journey Back To My Body and Myself

 

My journey back to myself started when I stopped drinking,

When I stopped hurting myself,

When I made a decision to ask for help and

found my way to Artemis Rising

When I started to admit that I was raped at 11, 19, 23, 25 and

Started to tell my story.

I started to put the shame where it belonged

On the rapists, society, and chain of command that did nothing.

When I started to talk about what the third class petty officer did to me,

When I started to talk about the retaliation that occurred.

When I started to talk about how the chain of command emotionally abused me

When I started to talk about the nightmares and flashbacks,

When I started to talk about the deep betrayal that I have felt,

When I started to talk about the grief that I feel,

I started to let all of the tears to come out and

Realized that crying is being strong and healing.

I started to talk about how hurt I was when

They did nothing even after he admitted to

Raping me in an email.

I admitted that I wanted to kill myself,

I started to understand that I had complex Post Traumatic Stress

I allowed myself to tell my story and

Allowed myself to feel my feelings.

I allowed myself to say the words that

I needed to say out loud.

 

Then, I found my way to One Billion and Rising Nia Jam

With support from the women in Nia,

I decided to take white belt and realized that I could come back into my body

That I did not have to stay out of my body,

That I was safe coming back to myself,

That I could love my body again,

The connection was made

That it is safe for me to be in my body and

To love myself,

That I can express my true feelings

That I can sound and tell my truth

 

Every day I keep showing up,

Keep suiting up and allowing myself to be seen,

Keep fighting and admitting my truth,

Keeping allowing the feelings to come out,

I have the courage to face my demons,

I have the courage to ask for help,

I have the courage to be vulnerable and

Express my true feelings.

 

I will not give up,

They are not going to win,

They have taken enough from me

And I reclaiming who I am every day.

I am a peaceful Warrior who is discovering

Who I am after so much was taken away from me.

 

Part of reclaiming who I am means that I have

Been reinventing myself by choosing to

Become a Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Healer,

As part of this training, I learned that I care

About myself enough to have self-compassion

For myself and others.

 

Then I took blue belt and realized that I was safe

to feel what I feel and express what I feel

To tell my truth, to speak my truth, and to laugh

To slow dive to the depths of what is inside of me

And to keep pushing through all of the pain.

That I have a choice,

That it is my birthright to love myself,

To have compassion for myself,

To love my body and to be in my body,

That I can be kinder to myself when I feel sad.

 

I have found my way back to my body and to myself

I am being gentle with myself.

I am listening to the voices of my body,

I am loving myself and

Continuing to heal one day at a time.