Self Care

As I have continued on my healing journey, one thing that I have had to learn is self care. I used to believe that I was not worthy of self care since I saw myself as dirty, worthless and useless.  Once that view of myself changed, I started making little changes to take better care of myself. Self care first started by drinking more water. Then that expanded to getting a massage. My self-esteem started coming back.  I started going to therapy where I learned and accepted that I was a worth while human being that deserved to be loved by myself. Soon I was getting massages two times a month, using essential oils to help myself calm down and started to realize that I could have self-compassion.

The next step I took in self care was finding my way to Nia and taking white belt. This is where I learned to love my body and life. My trainer suggested I go to see her friend who did Reiki Jin Kei Do. I did what she suggested and made an appointment. Through Reiki, I learned that I can connect to my body more and more. My energy level became higher and more self care started. Next thing, I know I am eating better, spending time in nature, dancing, being with friends, listening to music, choreographing dance routines,  using essential oils, candles, healing stones, crystal singing bowls, take espom salt baths, meditation, earthing, massages, counseling and  getting acupuncture treatments. I had to teach myself that I could love myself again and now I practice self care every day.

Climbing Mountain

 

There is a huge mountain in front of me,

I start climbing it,

The mountain in front of me seems gigantic and impossible to climb,

I start climbing the mountain in front of me,

I find a place to grip,

Digg my fingers into the rock,

Find a place to put my feet so that I can climb higher and higher,

At times feel like I am going to fall off the mountain,

At times, this task feels impossible since there is so much pain inside,

so many emotions,

body sensations,

flashbacks

nightmares

At times all I can do is cry,

Scream,

tear things apart,

sleep,

It’s taking everything I have to climb this mountain,

It’s taking so much to face all of the demons inside of me,

It taking so much to heal from so much trauma,

The mountain before me seems impossible to climb,

There are other people higher on the mountain that reach out their hand to me

I grab their hand and know that I do not have to do this allow,

When I feel like quitting they tell me I can’t,

They tell me that they are there for me,

Do not give up,

It’s okay to feel your feelings,

It’s okay to allow the tears to come out,

It’s okay to be enraged,

It’s okay to rest,

Remember to do self-care,

I know you are feeling so much pain,

It’s okay to say, I am exhausted,

Be there for me and allow another to hold you on this journey of healing,

I listen to them and allow them to be there for me,

The tears coming from my eyes like waterfalls cleansing my pain and soul,

I will get through this.

It’s one day a time,

Sometimes one minute at a time,

Sometime one second at a time,

Know that you are loved,

That you are not allow,

You can lean on me,

You can call me anytime,

I am there and I will listen to what you have to say,

I believe you,

I support you,

I am a Warrior,

I am strong.

It’s going to be alright.

I will get to the top.

I will be free .

 

A Walk in Nature

 

Awoken in the morning by birds singing a lovely song,

letting me know a new day has come,

look at my dog,

he is wagging his tail telling me it’s time for his walk,

 

I put his leash on,

out the door we go

We are out in nature,

 

I smell cool crisp air,

Breathe deeply to fill my lungs,

Hear all of birds singing their songs,

Sense myself becoming one with the present moment,

As we are walking, I notice my body is relaxing more and more, and

I am becoming more mindful of all the sounds around me,

 

I look up at the trees to see they are starting to bud,

The dogwoods already have their blooms,

I look at the grass and see the first dandelion flower spouting up,

Saying here I am,

See my dog, prancing, so happy to be outside,

See him point at the squirrel close to us,

My dog is going crazy, barking at the squirrel,

The squirrel climbs up a tree to get away from my dog,

 

As we get closer, I see that the squirrel sitting on a branch,

Looking right at me,

giving me some animal medicine,

 

I notice a rabbit jumping around in the distance,

Also see a family of deer, that my dog has not seen yet,

We keep along the path,

As we get closer to the lake,

I see a blue heron perched on a tree,

 

Nature is beautiful and brings me home to myself,

I am now completely on nature time,

Completely relaxed and connected to myself.