On a journey to come back into my body
and love my body after being detached and
dissociated fora long time by taking Nia white belt and dancing,
Learning that it is safe to be in my body
To stay in my body
To feel different parts of my body,
Learning that I can love my body,
That I can stay present in my body and
That I am safe.
Sitting on the floor,
My knees are hurting so badly,
My ankle is hurting so badly,
My lower back is hurting,
Because I am coming back into my body,
and my body has held the all of the traumas there,
It’s not that I am pushing myself,
It’s that my body is responding by bringing the trauma pain to the surface,
Sometimes I cried during white belt,
Sometimes I start to cry when I am in my car alone.
I use Arnica Montana gel to calm my body down,
Massage my knee and ankle,
Massage my lower back,
Talk to my body telling my body that we are okay, that I am safe
That this is healing
That it is safe to come back into my body
That I am in a safe place and supported
That it is okay to feel whatever I need to feel
That I am listening to what my body is telling me
That I love my body
That I am here to protect myself
I understand where the pain is coming from
and I will address that by talking with therapist
Dance is good for me
My body has held all of the trauma’s inside and now is the time to take
even better care of myself.
Take Epsom salt baths,
Go to Reiki,
Stay in the level of movement that I need for that dance
Finding joy of movement
Letting the tears come
I love my body.
I am safe.
I can heal myself with self-love and touch.
I am a warrior goddess
I will take care of my,body and myself.
As I have continued on my healing journey, one thing that I have had to learn is self care. I used to believe that I was not worthy of self care since I saw myself as dirty, worthless and useless. Once that view of myself changed, I started making little changes to take better care of myself. Self care first started by drinking more water. Then that expanded to getting a massage. My self-esteem started coming back. I started going to therapy where I learned and accepted that I was a worth while human being that deserved to be loved by myself. Soon I was getting massages two times a month, using essential oils to help myself calm down and started to realize that I could have self-compassion.
The next step I took in self care was finding my way to Nia and taking white belt. This is where I learned to love my body and life. My trainer suggested I go to see her friend who did Reiki Jin Kei Do. I did what she suggested and made an appointment. Through Reiki, I learned that I can connect to my body more and more. My energy level became higher and more self care started. Next thing, I know I am eating better, spending time in nature, dancing, being with friends, listening to music, choreographing dance routines, using essential oils, candles, healing stones, crystal singing bowls, take espom salt baths, meditation, earthing, massages, counseling and getting acupuncture treatments. I had to teach myself that I could love myself again and now I practice self care every day.
The Healing Power of Nia
I am a Navy Veteran, Women’s Veteran Advocate, photographer, Reiki Jin Kei Do Energy Practioner and author that has been on a healing journey for a long time. I have tried many different ways to heal Post-Traumatic Stress. Earlier in the year, I went to a retreat called Artemis Rising in Bluemont, Virginia. The retreat involved EMDR therapy, art therapy, kayaking, hiking, archery, acupuncture, equine therapy, and somatic therapy. One of the therapists at Artemis Rising introduced us to a dance routine called “Break the Chain.” We learned the choreography and I felt so empowered. This is when I started to realize that I like to dance, and by dancing I am able to access feelings that are locked away. I then could let the tears come out.
After the retreat, I came back home and got involved in my life again. At the same time, I found out my mother’s cancer had returned and was feeling very emotional. I began to look for a way to express what I was feeling. I found Nia by looking on the One Billion Rising website and came across a Nia Jam that was being held 10 minutes from my house. I had no idea what to expect and had never heard of Nia, but I walked into the studio and met all of these lovely women that were excited about dancing and made me feel welcome. The music started and I began to dance; I immediately realized that I had come home.
Nia has helped me to feel again, to come back into my body and to heal on a deeper level. Nia is teaching me I do not need to leave my body, but that I am safe to feel what I need to feel and to express what I am feeling. Most importantly, it is doing what therapy has not been able to do, and is allowing me to access feelings I cannot talk about.
I took the Nia White Belt in July with the amazing trainer, Kate Finlayson. That was an awesome experience! By doing the White Belt I developed a relationship with my body. I realized, I do not need to be ashamed of my body and can love my body. I learned where I hold my feelings and memories, and instead of criticizing and hating those parts of me, I began to accept and love those parts of me. Kate Finlayson taught me to be present, to talk to my body, listen to my body and be loving to my body. I learned that I can dance and trust myself and embody the 52 moves of Nia. She taught me to listen to the music. I found that I a writer and started writing poetry. I am coming back home to myself.
In September, I took the Green Belt with Stephaney which continued to build on the foundation from my White Belt, learning where I hold my memories and about music, how to cue on the three and six. I learned the importance of just trying, and that I don’t have to be perfect.
I love Nia. Nia is helping me heal from Post-Traumatic Stress. It’s helping me to access feelings that have been locked inside. I have a relationship with my body and have started to love my body. Nia has given me sisters and friends on their own journey that truly care about me, and I about them. Nia has given me a safe place to feel what I need to feel and be who I am.