Nia White Belt

On a journey to come back into my body

and love my body after being detached and

dissociated fora long time by taking Nia white belt and dancing,
Learning that it is safe to be in my body
To stay in my body
To feel different parts of my body,
Learning that I can love my body,
That I can stay present in my body and
That I am safe.

Sitting on the floor,
My knees are hurting so badly,
My ankle is hurting so badly,
My lower back is hurting,
Because I am coming back into my body,
and my body has held the all of the traumas there,

It’s not that I am pushing myself,
It’s that my body is responding by bringing the trauma  pain to the surface,
Sometimes I cried during white belt,
Sometimes I start to cry when I am in my car alone.

I  use Arnica Montana gel to calm my body down,
Massage my knee and ankle,
Massage my lower back,
Talk to my body telling my body that we are okay, that I am safe
That this is healing
That it is safe to come  back into my body
That I am in a safe place and supported
That it is okay to feel whatever I need to feel
That I am listening to what my body is telling me
That I love my body
That I am here to protect myself

I understand where the pain is coming from
and I will address that by talking with therapist
Dance is good for me
My body has held all of the trauma’s inside and now is the time to take

even better care of myself.

Take Epsom salt baths,
Go to Reiki,
See therapist,
Stay in the level of movement that I need for that dance
Finding joy of movement
Letting the tears come

I love my body.
I am safe.
I can heal myself with self-love and touch.
I am a warrior goddess
I will take care of my,body and myself.

 

Climbing Mountain

 

There is a huge mountain in front of me,

I start climbing it,

The mountain in front of me seems gigantic and impossible to climb,

I start climbing the mountain in front of me,

I find a place to grip,

Digg my fingers into the rock,

Find a place to put my feet so that I can climb higher and higher,

At times feel like I am going to fall off the mountain,

At times, this task feels impossible since there is so much pain inside,

so many emotions,

body sensations,

flashbacks

nightmares

At times all I can do is cry,

Scream,

tear things apart,

sleep,

It’s taking everything I have to climb this mountain,

It’s taking so much to face all of the demons inside of me,

It taking so much to heal from so much trauma,

The mountain before me seems impossible to climb,

There are other people higher on the mountain that reach out their hand to me

I grab their hand and know that I do not have to do this allow,

When I feel like quitting they tell me I can’t,

They tell me that they are there for me,

Do not give up,

It’s okay to feel your feelings,

It’s okay to allow the tears to come out,

It’s okay to be enraged,

It’s okay to rest,

Remember to do self-care,

I know you are feeling so much pain,

It’s okay to say, I am exhausted,

Be there for me and allow another to hold you on this journey of healing,

I listen to them and allow them to be there for me,

The tears coming from my eyes like waterfalls cleansing my pain and soul,

I will get through this.

It’s one day a time,

Sometimes one minute at a time,

Sometime one second at a time,

Know that you are loved,

That you are not allow,

You can lean on me,

You can call me anytime,

I am there and I will listen to what you have to say,

I believe you,

I support you,

I am a Warrior,

I am strong.

It’s going to be alright.

I will get to the top.

I will be free .

 

A Walk in Nature

 

Awoken in the morning by birds singing a lovely song,

letting me know a new day has come,

look at my dog,

he is wagging his tail telling me it’s time for his walk,

 

I put his leash on,

out the door we go

We are out in nature,

 

I smell cool crisp air,

Breathe deeply to fill my lungs,

Hear all of birds singing their songs,

Sense myself becoming one with the present moment,

As we are walking, I notice my body is relaxing more and more, and

I am becoming more mindful of all the sounds around me,

 

I look up at the trees to see they are starting to bud,

The dogwoods already have their blooms,

I look at the grass and see the first dandelion flower spouting up,

Saying here I am,

See my dog, prancing, so happy to be outside,

See him point at the squirrel close to us,

My dog is going crazy, barking at the squirrel,

The squirrel climbs up a tree to get away from my dog,

 

As we get closer, I see that the squirrel sitting on a branch,

Looking right at me,

giving me some animal medicine,

 

I notice a rabbit jumping around in the distance,

Also see a family of deer, that my dog has not seen yet,

We keep along the path,

As we get closer to the lake,

I see a blue heron perched on a tree,

 

Nature is beautiful and brings me home to myself,

I am now completely on nature time,

Completely relaxed and connected to myself.