Nothing Done

 

I responded to his email on Navy together we served,

Thinking that if I got him to admit to raping me,

That they would have to do something about it,

He straight up admitted to raping me,

He said, “You an ugly woman and I do not know why I even messed with you. Taking a woman is something that I am down with. So you remember how….lol…”

Called NCIS and asked to speak to special agent,

Case was reopened again,

None of this mattered to the Special Agent

Was told we have to investigate you,

Know who all you slept with,

About any other sexual assault reports you have made,

It does not matter what he said in his email,

 

So once again they do nothing about

rape even when they have it in black and white,

Once again, I am told that I am nothing

but an object that deserves to be raped,

So tired,

So enraged,

So hurt,

So betrayed,

So fed up

So sick of, “We do not care.”

So sick of oh you are just a woman.

and well that means that you were born to be raped,

So sick of he had every right to rape you,

So sick of the laws do not apply to you,

So sick of it’s fine that I was emotionally abused, retaliated against, and my career was ruined,

We do not care that the rapist

straight up admitted to raping you.

We do not care that he said, “So

you remember how…lol…taking a

woman is something that

I down with. You are such an

ugly woman I do not even

know why I messed with you.

So sick of the laws and

UCMJ do not apply to me,

But we will protect, promote,

a rapist at all costs and allow

him to rape more women

over and over and over and

over and over again.

Someone tell me where Honor,

Courage, Commitment, Duty,

Country, Shipmate comes into

protecting rapists that commit a heinous crime,

That changes the victim FOREVER!!!

 

 

What is a Warrior

A warrior is a human being who accepts

the call and walks the long, arduous path

of reaching one’s full potential.

A Warrior speaks their truth.

A Warrior goes into darkness and light.

A Warrior is someone that has honor,

courage. commitment & integrity

A Warrior goes into the abyss of truth.

A Warrior lives in faith.

A Warrior knows that she is creation,

that essence created her, that

she is spirit made manifested.

A Warrior heals and expands the tenderness of her heart.

A Warrior deals with loneliness, even though there never alone.

A Warrior aligns to virtues, values, purpose, not other human beings.

A Warrior is totally exposed.

A Warrior loves and lives in paradoxes, chaos, and conflict

A Warrior knows that each human being

is a mystery, is the end, never the mean

A Warrior is a human being who questions

all authority and all conventional

wisdom that is spoken in the course of her life.

A Warrior lives in risk.

A Warrior lives in uncertainty and a

warrior lives in the mystery of what is.

A Warrior knows that there is nothing

more important than each human beings experience of joy.

A warrior knows there short-comings makes

peace with her humanness, accepts and learns from her

failures, and begs for forgiveness of those

the Warrior as pained, wronged or let down.

A Warrior is someone that will not leave

other warriors behind. If the Warrior is hurt the Warrior will

carry them.

 If the Warrior cannot carry the Warrior will dang them.

A Warrior will help them to face their

enemies, to include the demons from within.

A Warrior is a human being who understands

and explores all worldviews, all religions, all cultures, all

histories, and all legacies of WISDOM to

understand fully what it is to be a human being.

A Warrior know what to contribute.

A Warrior leaves generations to come strong,

universal, and life-affirming foundations.

A Warrior is someone who explores the

inner world and the external world, integrating both.

A Warrior is someone who focuses on “what” they are as a human being.

A Warrior is someone who loves fully as possible.

A Warrior is someone who understands

there needs and is fearless in telling others that they are at risk

of being vulnerable.

A Warrior knows when to let the silence speak.

A Warrior is fearless in living.

A Warrior knows their gifts and develops them throughout their life.

A Warrior knows suffering.

A Warrior is not afraid of suffering but expects it.

A Warrior learns from suffering.

A Warrior learns to find joy in both suffering and bliss.

A Warrior knows love as both intimacy and rapture.

 

What is Courage

 

Courage is being afraid but doing it any ways.

Courage is showing up and suiting up every day

Courage is having the ability to speak up when things are wrong.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak.

Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Courage starts with showing up and allowing ourselves to be seen.

Courage is being able to reach out and ask for help.

Courage does not mean that you are  not afraid.

Courage is when you are willing to be vulnerable and allow

Your real feelings to come out

Courage is when you are terrified to tell your story but realize

you need to tell your story and by sharing your story

it will help others to heal.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgement

That something else is more important than fear.

Courage is the first quality of a Warrior.

Courage means that fear does not stop you.

Courage is protecting those that you care about.

Courage is being able to inspire others.

Courage is the commitment to go on.

Courage is facing the pain that is deep inside

Courage is taking a stand against things that are wrong

Courage is does not roar sometimes courage is having the

Ability to say that I will try again tomorrow.

Courage is doing the best you can do for today.

Courage is reaching out a hand to help others

Courage is following your heart and intuition.

Courage is the magic that makes dreams become a reality.

Courage is when you are willing to take steps to take care of yourself.

Courage is when you are able to show your tears.

 

What is being Brave

One of my friends looked at me

And told me, “When are you going to know that

You are brave? You are facing the demons that

Are deep inside of you. You have shared your

Truth with the world. You have advocated for

Others. That is being brave. Now the best thing, you

Can do is to look in the mirror and

say I love you. Also, to let go of the pain

you are feeling, start to love yourself, let

the tears come out and love yourself. You need to realize

how brave you are. You are valuable to the people

you know. When are you going to start to believe it yourself?

Heal your heart one day at a time, one tear

at a time, and one moment at a time.

It’s okay to be real with yourself and honest about

What you are really feeling deep inside. Let yourself

Feel it.”

Being brave is facing the demons and healing yourself.

Being brave is allowing yourself to truly love yourself.

Being brave is knowing that your worth comes from within yourself.

 

Nia Blue Belt

A slow dive into the depths of the ocean,

Dove deep inside of myself to learn about myself,

Learned how to have a relationship with the music, class and myself.

Learned how to communicate what  was feeling honestly

with another person.

Learned to be intimate with the 52 moves of Nia,

Class and myself.

Dove a little bit deeper into my mind and uncovered the

 truth about me

Allowed myself to feel, expressed what

 I was feeling,

Allowed the tears to come out

Allowed others to be there for me.

I went through a transformation at Blue Belt.

Learned that I feel the safest laying on the floor,

Learned to take care of myself,

Learned that doing my best varies from day to day,

Learned to love myself and to see the jewel that is inside.

Learned that I have a gift for finding music that

creates magic and healing.

Learned that I can be there for others and that I am a

wounded Healer.

Learned that it is my birth right to take up space.

It’s my birth right to feel what I feel

It’s my birthright to heal

and to help others to heal.

It’s my choice

I choose to live my life.

I choose to love myself.

I choose to help others to heal.

I choose to take a stand against what is right and wrong.

I choose to live in the present moment.

I am a blue Jewel.

Breaking Free

Breaking free of their power,

Breaking free of their shame,

Breaking free to heal myself,

Breaking free to come back into my body,

Breaking free to speak my truth,

Every day, I am breaking free,
Each and every day I am saying, “You no longer

Have control over my life.”

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

You six men where the ones that committed

A heinous crime and tried to destroy my life,

Well you have not succeeded in that,

I have told your secrets,

I am putting the shame and blame on you,

With each step I take, I am facing the pain

That I feel deep inside,

With each tear I cry, I am healing,

I am putting the shame where it belongs,

And standing in my power,

I am coming back into my body,

No longer am afraid of you,

And I will continue to tell what you six men did to me,

I am an empowered Warrior who is now coming

After you and making sure that society knows

The damage that rape, victim blaming, does to the survivor,

Every step on this journey has mattered,

Every tear, rage, depression, flashback, nightmare, cut and burn

As led me to where I know am,

I have more power then you will ever have and

I stand in my power of being a female goddess and empowered Warrior